F**k this feeling

Yeah…

I keep telling myself…

Don’t text her.

Don’t call her.

Don’t look back.

…

Then another night hits.

I still know your coffee order.

Still know how you take your fries.

Funny how the smallest things

Are always the last to die.

Everybody says, “Move on.”

Like it’s somewhere I can drive.

Like love’s a switch you flip

Instead of something you survive.

I ain’t mad…

At least that’s what I tell ’em.

Truth is…

I got enough words

To burn this whole connection.

I wrote a hundred goodbye texts.

Deleted every one.

’Cause anger sounds good

Until the morning comes.

Part of me wants

To watch you hurt.

Just enough

To know it mattered.

But revenge don’t rebuild

What’s already shattered.

Fuck my feelings.

Fuck you leaving.

Fuck these memories

Still breathing.

Fuck this bed

That’s way too big.

Fuck every place

We should’ve been.

I wanna scream,

“Go to hell.”

But that won’t help

And I know it too well.

So here’s the truth…

I don’t hate you.

I hate…

Fuck this feeling.

You moved on.

At least it looks that way.

I keep moving…

Just never far away.

Everybody thinks

That time’s a healer.

Nobody tells you

Memory gets meaner.

I hate that song.

I hate that street.

I hate seeing your car

On every SUV.

I hate how one perfume

Can ruin my whole week.

I hate that you’re gone…

But somehow

Still with me.

I keep rehearsing

What I’d finally say.

Then reality shows up…

And takes every word away.

Fuck my feelings.

Fuck you leaving.

Fuck this silence

I keep feeding.

Fuck the nights

I can’t rewind.

Fuck the war

Inside my mind.

I wanna hate you.

God knows I’ve tried.

But hate still leaves you

Living inside.

So here’s the truth…

It ain’t fuck you…

It’s…

Fuck this feeling.

Maybe…

You weren’t the villain.

Maybe…

Neither was I.

Maybe two people

Can lose each other

Without either one

Living a lie.

That somehow…

Makes it worse.

Fuck my feelings.

Fuck this ending.

Fuck pretending

That I’m mending.

Fuck every dream

That still feels real.

Fuck waking up

To what I feel.

I wanted closure.

I wanted peace.

Instead I got

Your ghost

Sleeping next to me.

Maybe someday…

Your name won’t hit

Like this.

Until then…

Fuck this feeling.

I don’t miss

Who you are anymore…

I miss

Who I was

Before you left.