Numb

Everybody keeps asking…

“How you been?”

I keep saying,

“I’m good.”

Guess I’ve gotten real good at lying.

Wake up tired, still went to work,

Smile on my face, but it never works.

Running on empty, still running laps,

Carrying weight that I never unpack.

Everybody wants the strong version,

Nobody asks what the silence is worth.

I’ve been pouring from an empty cup,

Trying to save everybody but myself first.

Mirror says I’m here…

My soul says I checked out.

Heart still beating…

But I don’t feel it now.

How’d I get so cold?

When did I stop hurting?

Maybe feeling nothing…

Hurts the most.

Why do I feel numb?

Like I forgot how to bleed.

Push my limits every night

Just to prove there’s something left in me.

Everybody says, “Hold on.”

I’m just trying to hold me up.

I’m tired of pretending

Everything’s enough.

Fuck this…

I just wanna disappear

For one damn night…

From everything I hear.

Why do I feel numb?

Every day’s another replay,

Different clock, same pain.

Looking like I’m moving forward,

Walking circles in my brain.

Friends keep saying,

“You’ve changed.”

Maybe they’re right.

Maybe somewhere on the way here

I misplaced my light.

I laugh at jokes

I don’t even find funny.

Spend my weekends

Trying to outrun Monday.

Too awake to dream.

Too tired to sleep.

Trying to find peace…

While it’s hiding from me.

Maybe I don’t need another distraction.

Maybe I just need one honest conversation.

Maybe I’m not broken…

Maybe I’m just exhausted.

Why do I feel numb?

Like I’m screaming with no sound.

Looking for myself

In a stranger looking down.

Everybody says,

“It’ll pass.”

God, I hope they’re right.

‘Cause I don’t wanna lose myself

One more night.

I’m done pretending

Everything’s okay.

I just wanna feel…

Something…

Again.

Maybe tomorrow…

Starts with telling the truth.

“I’m not okay.”

And maybe…

That’s where healing begins.